Tuesday, February 10, 2015

straight outta shoreditch

there are three things that could be said of nikola tesla. the first is that he was a genius, and for reasons so obvious, i don't need to elaborate. the second is that he's hot. i mean look at him. the hair may be a little dated, but in the age of hipster-driven fashion, it would be considered appropriately ironic, and therefore quite in vogue.
which brings us to the third, and by far the most prevalent. he's so east london, it's not even funny. he's giving the shoreditch semi-smile, filtered by instagram's finest vintage look. he could have just walked out of the joiner's arms. he could be sat at that long table in the lobby of the ace, face illuminated by his macbook pro, waiting for some tattooed guy to bring over his flat white from bulldog edition. this photo may have been taken in 1890, but if it were to be posted on someone's facebook profile today, i wouldn't think twice.

and an honorable mention goes to the fact that the man knew his look (or his lewk, apparently) because he kept it until his dying day. now that's a level of consistency we can all appreciate.

Monday, February 09, 2015

dance moms AKA how not to raise your kids

there's nothing i crave more when i visit the states than american TV, and by that i mean trashy reality TV. my past few visits have included dunkin donuts coffee-fueled afternoon marathons of here comes honey boo boo, hoarders, braxton family values and--my favorite, up until yesterday--mob wives. but thanks to my dear friend james and a chrome VPN, we found dance moms on american netflix.

it's everything i love and secretly miss about america: bad highlights, SUV-driving mothers who wear one-shoulder rayon chiffon dresses to pick their children up from dance practice, girls named vivi-anne, and, of course, no shortage of those 32oz. dunkin donuts coffee tumblers.

look up--that's abby lee miller of the abby lee dance company in pittsburgh, PA. she looks like a grown-up pageant girl, doesn't she? a glamour gal gone wrong, several decades later. she's a dance instructor, a raspy-voiced dictator of dance, and owing to the success and fame she's achieved in little old pittsburgh, i'd say rather good at what she does. but enough about abby lee. it may be her show, it may be her dance studio, it may be her name, but what dance moms really is is a three-ring circus of amazing, psychopathological behavior.

i could go on and give examples but i'm only six episodes into the first series, which means i've got a lot of catching up to do. just watch it.

Friday, February 06, 2015


i miss american coffee. not overall, just in this moment. it's friday morning and i slightly overslept, an accidental move that threw me into the abysmal depths of the next sleep cycle, leaving me feeling like i'm drugged up and stuck inside a very tightly insulated shell.

so maybe it's not the actual coffee i miss, but the all the hoo ha and morning drudgery around the consumption of it. the moody girl literally dragging herself into the office, eyes puffed halfway shut, makeup hastily applied, making the lines of demarcation clearly visible. one time you said "good morning!" to her but she shot you a sudden daggers glance that said, "not before my coffee." half an hour later, after she's sufficiently caffeinated with a 32 ounce (909.21ml) coffee that tasted like a yankee candle, she's a completely different person. awake, alert and ready to converse.

you don't really get that in the UK, at least not to the american extreme. and i feel like that girl today, in need of the transformation that turns her from a surgery patient, just awakened from her anaesthetic, to a fully functional human being, capable of answering phones, replying to text messages and tweeting at the same time. 

i'm gonna write on this thing again.

but i'm not going to tell anyone, so if you arrive here, good for you. i have these urges to say something first thing in the morning, and that's why i started this thing to begin with, right? and it is a blog, so if i felt like i was being pretentious by actually expressing these rather declaratory statements, it's ok because that's why blogs were invented. before they took over and kardashianed the world.