where do iiiii staaaaaart?
so it's been ages, and for good reason! i moved to a different country. shit's hard. and stressful. nuclear stressful.
but after so much thought, procrastination, deliberation, and hesitation (in no particular order), i decided to finally start blogging again. i went through this phase where i thought, "why would anyone want to read what i have to write?" despite the fact that the gilded tongue is over 220 entries old. i suppose this phase was spurned by the relentless wave of "who gives a shit" statuses i read each time i check into Facebook. more specifically, the ones where people felt the need to rub in their good fortune, like "NYC to LAX in my favourite seat, Delta A1!" and the only people who actually comment are their "friends" who live in said writer's sad little hometown who are more jealous of than happy for them, but manage to passive-aggressively express both under the guise of a bland "have fun, mate!" (as if anyone in america ever says "mate," but if there's anything i've learned from living abroad, it's that americans tend to supplement their speech with foreign words and accents in times of shyness or anxiety, as if acting a part gives them temporary reprise from...nevermind). i just got myself in a bit of a tizzy explaining all of this, which serves as proof of the very entity that stood between my brilliant mind and my shaky fingers.
but back i am, i hope, and i feel lighter of mind, warmer of heart and, shall we say, possess shoes with bigger treads that allow me to easily trample over, rather than muddle in, the angst that drove a lot of what i wrote before.
so i shall say what comes to my mind without believing one day it will make a great book because, even though it might, that's not living in the present, and i didn't just spend £32 on a new meditation cushion to be thinking about some big publishing company payout that may or may not happen and allow it to stifle my speech.
to the veterans, welcome back. to the newcomers, strap it on or snap it in or whatever one would do to secure oneself, 'cause it's going to be a bumpy ride. to all, thank you for being here. i am happy and honoured that you care what i have to say.