Wednesday, October 06, 2010


[Note: the following is expressed with copious amounts of duly-felt rage, but under the guise of proactive political embellishment, kind of like some perverse Hallmark series]

So I’ve officially had it with this world. It’s no surprise, my disgust with much of this plane, but in the tradition of things taking the cake to define their superlative nature, this takes it back to the bakery and throws it into the face of its baker.

I am so over all of these teen suicides spurred by repressed homosexuality. I’m not referring to the conflicting feelings of those who kill themselves, but to the repressed homosexuality of the ones who dish out the relentless taunting, the arbitrary judgment, and the assholeism that causes other people to question themselves, resulting in a murder. The word “suicide” is the prosecutor’s scapegoat for not having enough constitutional evidence to convict one of a crime they committed with words or their fists. To call these base humans “bullies” is laughable. True “bullies” are harmless, and only exist within the confines of teenage television shows. The “bully” on Clarissa Explains it All never called Sam a faggot, as he would have in real life. Those in question here are not bullies. They are nefarious beings with evil intent, committing a different kind of first degree murder, plotting the death of their victim and carrying out the execution with words, verbal (and sometimes physical) daggers, like a slow torture. Nefarious, and yet confused. I pity them. They are a people afraid of their own identities, afraid that they won’t be the things they regard as ideal, and their lack of self respect causes them to lash out irrationally to suck whatever semblance of self respect they sense in others, gay kids, who flaunt it. They’re vampires, and they kill just as the fictional figures so trendy and money-making nowadays.

It’s disgusting. I want to produce my own “it gets better” video but I’d also include the “bullies.” Those delusional people who secure their sad existence by feeding off others. I’d take a musical version of it to rural and suburban high schools and middle schools, where hatred is tolerated. Hatred IS tolerated, proliferated, and celebrated in this country. If you allow it to happen, you support it. Suspending a “bully” as a disciplinary action is giving him a day off to watch Ice Road Truckers and rest up for another day of torture. We’re not the “land of the free and the home of the brave.” Nobody here is free. We may have been free for five minutes, but human nature positions others to use their freedom to take away the liberties of others. They are the vampires. They are the cowards. So much for being brave. Humans are sad, self-destructive creatures. No other organism in this world is as self-destructive as the human race. Cancer cells are better than humans—they may attack all that surrounds them, but at least they are nice to each other.

Look at the psychological side of it even deeper—these “bullies” depend upon their victims for validation, to officiate their mere existence. The more validation they get, the more they want. It becomes a dependence, an addiction. After the third beating, they may even forget why they do it. Sure the initial impetus to beat and assault is brought on by hatred born from difference, generated from lack of intelligence, and probably congenital, but after it becomes more about attending to an addiction to feed this vampiric need, this torture becomes a routine for the one who doles it out.

I think humans are the best, if not only, example of an organism that cannot live with freedom. They exploit it. They create arbitrary rules and then alter them to simply contain other humans. Marriage: I don’t care how many instances of it there are in The Bible, it is a manmade institution. Man created it, and now man can control it. Yet man will assign his fabricated institutions to God, giving them religious weight, more food with which to quote The Bible only when it’s convenient for them. Separation of church and state can exist only when it works in middle-American man’s favor, the partially hydrogenated, high fructose corn syrup-laden majority that makes all the ill-fated decisions that ultimately become the burden the educated constituents of this sad, toddler of a country must bear. Don’t tell me I’m free because I am not. I can’t marry who I want to marry. I am prohibited from living the same life as the person next to me on the subway, and therefore, I am not free. And neither are you. Prohibiting one liberty compromises all liberties. Next up: Gay. Let’s pretend gay is an elective decision like most of this sad country believes. Let’s put rules on what gays can and can’t do. Let’s subject gays to a modern day version of the Jim Crow Laws, and let’s turn our head the other way when it actually comes to repairing this situation. Let’s let ignorance run the country it established. 

Freedom doesn’t work. It’s the sad truth that forms the basic delusion that every American believes they have, or at least recites without investing further thought. I’d like to bulk up on twinkies and head out west, stopping somewhere between Ohio and Mississippi to ask random, overweight, 9-11 commemorative t-shirt wearing people, “So, you patriotic Americans, living the ‘American Dream,’ how are YOU free? What are your individual liberties?” Once they’ve picked through the Pop Tart wrappers and remember something about “that there Constitution thing” that may (or may not—you know conspiracy theories are born from metastasized balls of Little Debbie boxes) have formed the basis of this nation, their answer will probably sound like, “Well I’m free to eat what I want to eat, and think what I want to think.” Yes, on the first count, they are absolutely correct. And their skyrocketing triglyceride levels, not to mention their supple fupas, form the archetype for the typical American citizen. I’ll also sound for them the “correct!” bell on the second count, as they can, indeed, conceive as numerous and creative thought as possible. But what good are thoughts if they don’t become realities?

Freedom of Speech is the only pure liberty we have, how quickly it can be turned into a weapon that imprisons others. Read this: Shit at Funerals
Even if you feel you can exercise your own freedom of speech, there are many areas of your life that are governed by others, whether by morality or choice, their authority related to you via speech. We are all imprisoned by this "liberty."

Thoughts are like a barren cabinet, where you find only a box of baking soda and that familiar orange cylinder of baking powder, two vital ingredients for something that could be decadent and delicious, two ingredients that remind you of something so wonderful, so attainable, yet so powerless. And you could do something about it, but that would require effort. Motivation. Intelligence. Three things most Americans lack. Americans are humans. Humans are stupid. You do the math.

I’m not saying Americans are the ones responsible for this ridiculous behavior known as human nature, but they are the ones closes to home (for obvious reasons). Sometimes I think the Bubonic and Black Plagues came just in time, as ignominy sneaked up on the world, welling up among its people and just before it could completely take over, BAM! Dead people all over the place. It was a bloody mess, but it was a cleansing mess. Sometimes you have to dump that box of baking soda all over the counter in order to get a shiny finish, but after it’s all cleaned up, your counter looks like brand new. And then you’d have the motivation to go buy the rest of the ingredients to make your damn cake. I feel that if something like that were to happen, I’d look down from heaven and, despite the very nature of heaven exonerating its inhabitants from experiencing any form of regret or concern over the cause of one’s death or the consequences, feel like my demise contributed to this new beginning. 

I sit here now and I feel what those five dead teenagers should be feeling, watching their murderers from heaven. They are free, and probably laughing at all the shit humans have to deal with. Laughing not because they have it better, but because they see just how unnecessary it is. How all this unrest and inequality is created by us, for us. “By the people, for the people.” Sound familiar? Democracy was intended to preserve freedom, but seeing as how freedom just doesn’t work, democracy has sublimated into the thin glass veil that forms the tank that contains a population comprised solely of male Siamese fighting fish, all flaunting their fancy fins, on the edge of tearing to shreds their closest inhabitant.

Now after that dramatic ending, the resolution, for I’m nothing if not consistent (I’m also intensely random at all times, the frequency of which still qualifies me as consistent). The way around all of this, the way to exist successfully in a world devoid of pure freedom is to reinvent freedom and feel it on a more personal level. It’s simple in both concept and execution. It’s also been said many times before: express yourself, don’t repress yourself. Pass on this word. Speak up. Carry mace and spray those motherfuckers in the face when they call you a fag. Get sent to the principal and tell them that the liberties bestowed upon you as a fellow American have been compromised. Let them suspend you. Expel you. Then take your day off, wake up late, watch The Golden Girls, then The View, get all pumped up and call CNN and tell them why you’ve been suspended. Tell them you fought back. Tell them you could have been the next suicide victim, the next murder victim, chased to your death by a very real form of assault, but you kicked the chasing hounds in the face and defended your liberties. You shouldn’t be hunted—you are not prey. Not to worry about your school record being marred—I think the defense of one’s liberty in the face of growing corruption would inspire one hell of an application essay, launching a feeding frenzy for college admissions committees. Brand yourself as a revolutionary before graduation and your diploma will be worth its weight in gold. Work for it. Earn it. Turn that moment when you turn in your cap and gown into a significant shedding of all that has bound you to stand for second best, and sing the following anthem to melodically lead you in whatever direction your individual liberty will take you. And for goodness’ sake, smile.