Tuesday, November 16, 2010

the light at the end...

just became so insignificant when compared to the string of environmentally-friendly LED lights that line the inside of the tunnel. just saying.

so today is special because i thought of something fantastic before bed last night--i'm getting all transecndent on your asses, so get ready.
as i drifted off to sleep, one last thought poked its pointy head through the black velvet curtains of sleep: i am. and before i could interrupt with a, "what?" he said, "i am here."
duh. so am i. then i realized my pointy-headed sleep character was, in fact, me, as he lives in my mind and is a product of my inner manifestation of thought. but "here" took on a new meaning, as if a scroll were unfurled before me and a golden explanation shone forth. i can never be there. only here. because once i reach there, wherever there may be,whether it's a goal set 20 years from now, or a location two feet away, the point from which i projected my desire to be there will be a place i was that now exists in the past, and the past does not, in fact exist. (memories exist, but the past cannot physically exist).
so i will always be here. i can be there, but when i am there i am actually here because it is in my present, the only time in which i can physically exist.
i love that. it speaks volumes in favor of equanimity. releasing one's actions into the world without the faintest concern of their effect, a contentment brought on by one's ability to release such actions from a source of inner peace.

also, the other day when i was walking, i noticed i had harbored a rather annoying rock in my shoe for several hours, and even though i was mere feet from the subway station i was about to descent into, i stopped, took my shoe off, tipped out the stone, and realized how precious that moment was. and how overdue.

life takes on new meaning when it is weighted with reason. i feel like a word that a writer deliberates underlining. the word screams for more definition, practically jumping off the screen, begging, pleading for recognition from all the other words, and finally, the writer highlights the word, clicks the underline button, and voila! that word stands out loud and proud.
meeting my gian paolo has given me that definition. i feel a source of inner light that grew dim suddenly roar to life. the tunnel i had been navigating isn't just illuminated, it's dotted with colorful bursts of light like endless strings of holiday lights, adding that evocative touch that only holiday lights can, in an unexpected yet yearned for way. like seeing such lights at a summer party. the holidays aren't a present thought, especially in the middle of july, but those lights warm an inner part of every attendee. something we all want, and when we receive it, something we all find we need.
as does the sweet wine that fuels such joviality.

Xs and Os to all
(note new signature)

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