recently i found myself watching the episode of 30 rock that featured protagonista liz lemon preaching a tirade of dealbreakers, a knack realized after creating a similar character for the show she writes. after hearing such terse bits of advice as, "he thinks he deserves a vajayjay update. he doesn't. he's not tom brady. shut it down--dealbreaker," i realized that the ladies could have dealbreakers, too. speaking in a heterosexual stance, i saw one this morning, and i'm going to relate it to you plain and simple:
girls...who cap their jersey dresses off with a backpack and a yankee's cap: dealbreaker! i don't care what your flip flops say. you shouldn't be wearing them, either. double dealbreaker!
girls...who think a jersey dress qualifies as anything but a jersey dress: dealbreaker!
girls...who think "coordinating your outfit" means matching your coach monogrammed bag to your coach monogrammed sneakers: dealbreaker!
girls...who wear sunglasses sporting a "D" on one arm, but no "G" on the other: dealbreaker!
girls...who refer to their male companions, romantic or platonic, as any or all of the following: my man, my beau, or the guy: dealbreaker, dealbreaker, DEALBREAKER!
meanwhile, i've a night of multiple shake weight workouts ahead of me. if you'll excuse me.