Thursday, June 17, 2010

falling off the wagon

so last night was my first fashion party in ages, but it can't quite qualify as me having fallen off the wagon, considering there was no temporary euphoric high. and rather than rant and, well, rant about how it went, i thought i'd sum it up in a cache of memorable quotes:

"i think she's a little overdressed." "a little?" "ugh, and that jewelry--honey, it's lariats of fire!"

"see that dark corner where nobody's standing? get me there. the less i see, the better."

"as for the hors d'oeuvres, solely comprised of mini cupcakes, i have apt bite-sized advice: a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. little moment, little lifetime. think about it."

in response to all the gaga references, both implied by the overwhelming presence of holey leather pieces and fingerless gloves and such, as well as the fact that the words "lady" and "gaga" hung like a dank cloud not far above the crowed, "that lady gaga is a pain in the ass, and not the good kind."

as for the abundance of men's gladiator sandals, "i wrote a status about those once, and you know that's never a good thing."

after making the acquaintance of a boy named "pasha," "you know as well as i do that guy was born roger herbert himmelstein. his l.l. bean backback read RHH until he was 13 and found one of his mother's vogues."

"wow, nice pale pink jacket. i've never seen that one before." and to same unfortunate wearer, "honey, is that a comb over?"

"there's more lady gaga in here than on the girl who thinks she's madonna."

"bowties should never be paired with daisy dukes. never."

"nothing makes a cheap dress look worse than a room full of cut-off tank tops."

"this place is full of so much unintentional irony." "there is a lot of irony in here." "but do they know they're being ironic?" "even alanis got the meaning of that word wrong, and she wrote a song about it." "do they think they're being fashionable?" "probably, but i think they're just assholes."

"this place is a testament to the fact that hair products should require a license to be purchased. last time i saw hair this bad was when i thought about the hair at this party."

regarding the two boys who feigned twindom by dressing like "identical" nerds, "don't you dare tell me they're from brooklyn, the land where kitch grows on trees and hummus is a food group."

and that about sums it up.


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