Monday, January 11, 2010

lobbying to the oldies

there's a she-wolf in the closet...



if i can extract two nuggets of wisdom from the burdens lifted from corporate participation rendered by the past two months of funemployment, they would be: that the term "professional dress code" is as obsolete as bloomers and the people living upstairs have way too much fucking time on their hands. but pressing on the former, a stiff suit is not, in fact, required to make the workday a productive one. if anything, i owe the folks at 2(x)ist major hugs for providing me with the new uniform of success i've so distinctly pioneered. nothing beats seamlessly moving from a crossword puzzle in bed to pressing my email's "send" button on the couch, releasing yet another literary contribution into the world, wearing little more than a polyester blend fig leaf.
and nowhere is the un-standardization of today's dress code for success more evident than on the exuberant back of america's favorite phys ed teacher, mr richard simmons (née milton teagle). while the wardrobe of high school gym teachers mostly stuck with two-piece pastel sweatsuits for the ladies and the ultra-stylish combination of a polo shirt paired with old navy's latest track pant offering for the men, simmons dares to venture out of the box-step and is rarely, if at all, seen sans his beloved sequined and rhinestoned creations. something even tells me he may have a creative hand in fashioning said attire, as such applique can't be found past bob mackie's HSN collection, and i doubt he'd don anything less than couture jersey, as pictured on today's wendy williams show (another louboutin-clad lass who stomps to no other beat than her own) pictured above.

but what really dampens my torso over richard simmons is the fact that these jo-ann fabric explosions comprise his everyday office attire, and not just in the sweatin' studios. the man who paradoxically made us dance and shimmy to aretha franklin has become america's latest, if not only, sequined political pundit. the rhinestone cowboy, if you will. most of simmons' time, including his 200 plus days traveling each year, is spent lobbying for the improvement of physical education in schools, extolling the virtues of not being a 12 year-old fat ass. and people listen to him. his seriousness, no doubt, stems not only from his longevity in being the poster child for personal fitness, but also from the onus of listening to someone with big hair and a whole lotta swarovski belting in your face. and while he's not exactly conducting synchronized knee thrusts on the congressional floor, his efforts are noticeably progressing. i seriously doubt he'd be as far along if he squatted in some gabardine tailored travesty all these years. and really, if his MO weren't so noble, i'd certainly pin this situation as being one where what was on the outside trumped what lied within.

so three of today's cheers goes to richard simmons (née milton teagle) because even though my level of excitement over sequins and rhinestones burns enough calories to keep me sweating to the oldies, i can definitely identify with the man who's using his own universe brimming with adoration to fuel a brigade for the betterment of the world, starting with making it ok to not conform to what 'everybody else is wearing' to work. and as one who brought bowties back to bergdorf's, i'll be sweating to my own tune for a long time to come.

xo
b.a.

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