if it's on tv, then it's for real...
um so for real, before today, i was thoroughly repulsed by those commercials for mucinex. i thought, 'why would the concept of a talking, acting and fully-conversational mucus blob ever make it past the ideas table and into the ever-widening spaces between my favorite sitcoms?' then i was introduced to snookie, but i digress. after this morning's expulsion of technicolor nasal ephemera that could provide the couturiers of the emerald city with more baubles, bangles and beads than they'd know what to do with, i've realized that despite the throbbing and blinding pain of a maxillary sinus cavity stripped bare and bloody, there is, after all, a whole family of green and yellow blobs just hopping around up there refusing to make an appearance that would provide worlds of relief, like a staunch child or a poltergeist. this type of marketing, and i think i'm being quite fair when i regard it as rather shocking (i mean, it may not be profanity but last time i checked it was as equally uncool to snot rocket onto someone's sweater and expect a benign giggle in response), actually works. show me some arbitrary information climbing up a chart in two disparitious red and blue lines and i change the channel; show me an obnoxious family of mucus blobs with familial italian inflections, and i'm at the duane reade faster than when glaxo was giving out those free trial vouchers. and though drugging myself to prostration as way of treating aforementioned ailment usually isn't my style, i'm neither incapable nor beyond swigging some 12-hour relief with something that requires a corkscrew to pour.
some parents pass down blond hair and blue eyes to their children; mine lovingly bestowed upon me oily skin and poorly draining sinuses, rendering me an acneic nerd as a child and snorter as an adult. at least i've got my hair.
and as my parting gift to you, i present a commercial that has what i like to call the madonna effect: it's annoying as shit, but despite the most stalwart resistance, it will infect your brain and you'll sing it as you snap your orbit gum. without further ado, and you're welcome, cablevision, i present 877-393-4448: the musical. listen and fall in love again.