Thursday, October 22, 2009

obituary v. 2

sticky and sweet

once again, the sweet life of one of ny's finest has been snuffed by the very pressures that tend the fires of fabulous.
deceased: bryanambition
date/time of death: october 21, 2009; 10:23 pm
cause of death: cosmetic asphyxiation

that's right--michael hutchence isn't the only one who died for pleasure--poor guy thrilled himself a bit too much while choking the chicken and ended up a KFC special. in the never ending race against time and aging, this medieval gadget known as the face trainer has found its way into the hearts and onto the heads of the forever young, yours truly one of the newest devotees. you basically strap on the contrap and voila! instant resistance created by the ergonomic shape of this neoprene genius causes your facial muscles to work themselves out, thus creating an equinox for the face. kind of crazy, right? aside from being scary as shit and helping the wearer to capture their very own hannibal lector moment, i kind of get it. as my beauty motto has consistently been "if it doesn't hurt, it doesn't work" this mask rates a 15 on the discomfort scale of 1-10, and considering it's most effective at night and therefore should be worn to bed, one would expect those uber-obsessed with beauty would share a similar penchant for prescription sleep aids, thus increasing the efficacy.
so after donning my new bedfellow tonight, if i fail to wake tomo, at least i'll be creaseless.


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