Thursday, March 19, 2009

rants and shit

ok here i go with the subway again. a dear friend recently related the tale of how one of her mexican clients gave her a newly-discovered wondercream, the active ingredient consisting of human embryo, and considering my intense dislike for children, i was more than intrigued.
then this (see above) happened on the subway this morning.
why not just give the fucking baby and his m1a2 abrams tank of a carriage their own subway line? this is getting out of hand. either prohibit carriages on subways or manhattan altogeth. leave the babies in the boroughs.

and speaking of boroughs, let's talk brooklyn for a minute. i don't hate brooklyn. i don't even vaguely dislike it, but some things that proprietarily belong there should simply be left there. case-in-point, girls who wear ugly glasses.

despite the $15 she was paid to pose in this american apparel ad, does she honestly believe she looks good wearing these glasses? is she so completely deluded that she convinces herself that those sophia petrillo-esque frames compliment the delicate lines and folds of her face? obviously. old granny glasses are for vintage eyeglasses boutiques and senior citizens' nightstands, not for 24 year-olds. lissssen up, ladies: i don't know who you think you are, or who you're pretending to be, but if you're going to ruin your face with a pair of gross glasses that should never have been in vogue to begin with, please stay within the confines of the brooklyn side of the L train and stop polluting my island with your marginal attempt at individuality.

lastly, i came across this little quote i bbm'd to another dear friend in the midst of a rather haughty party at greenhouse last night that drew every rambunctious queen into its forest of fabulous faux flora. i was inspired by a rather audacious display of bad weavage, a picture i was tempted to capture in the blackberry, but couldn't bring myself to actually ask permish to take it, for fear i'd rip it out and laugh at the blood that flowed.
"it's either 'just because you've got jeans so skinny they could be surgical stockings,' or 'just because you've got a bad weave in the front doesn't mean you can pee where the vaginas are.'"
excuse the improper sentence syntax, but i was in a hurry to axepress thyself.

love ya, kids.

1 comment:

Jeff said...

hahaha, and she has to have the 800 dollar stroller as well... whats the point in buying a 800 dollar stroller and then taking the subway? might as well call a cab, or use a car.