Thursday, March 26, 2009

groomsday.



you know it's going to be a shitshow of a day when, while fastening your belt for the first time in the morning, you find it makes its way to the innermost hole, indicating you've lost yet another pound and conveniently reminding you, "oh, right--i haven't eaten three meals in several days."
last night's entree of a sleeping pill washed down with copious amounts of water laced with it may really work/it may not really work airborne, purely for preventative purposes or maybe just for the hell of it, may not have been the best idea, but at the time it made the most sense. yesterday's hasty lunch of a dripping burger was my one indulgence of the week, and it didn't fall short of reminding me of that via many tasty burps since, so my appetite was just short of diminished at 10pm when i was finally able to sit down and consider the food situation.

**at this point, i could totally launch into an attack of how it's the fault of this f-ing city that no real meal structure exists and condemn the demise of any real domestic structure, but i'll spare that shit for a cranky monday**

contrary to popular belief, i don't monitor my dietary intake to avoid weight gain (i can't gain any) so i just chalk it up to my list of the many inevitable things i fear, and the accompanying anxiety makes it that much easier to boost the metab. among potential threats of kidney stones, prostate cancer, age spots, wrinkles, undereye bags and discoloration, adult acne, and open water, getting fat is the only real avoidable one. and due to the regrettable fact that being an american automatically predisposes me to a compromised life of obesity and ill-fitting jeans, i refuse to follow the normal man's path to eating and needing and instead stuff myself into the slenderest pantalones i can find as a way of showcase and maintenance.

if you build it, they will come.

if you stuff it, they will tough it.

see, it's purely a matter of logic and restraint.

and what a shame my mother never wanted me to come out in a kimono.

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