Friday, August 15, 2008

my last nerve




so my morning, which started out absolutely delightfully, was quickly soured when i encountered the above on the subway. some self-righteous bitch and her motherfuckin' baby carriage taking up not one, not two, but THREE seats! three seats, and the rotten baby already has its own!
this really needs to stop. it's rush hour on the subway, sweetie, and there ain't no reason why you and your gross, wrinkly baby need to take up more room than the pathetic space you already do.
i'd like to note that yesterday, michael and i proudly usurped an "expectant mothers" parking space at the mall, sliding our black 'stang right in that shit like our name was painted on the ground. rock on us. but it started up the rant engine, causing me to question the real motivation behind such designated parking spots.
first of all, it's a mall--not the world's fair. walking twenty extra feet won't kill you or your baby. secondly, what could a mother so far in her gestation period that she can barely endure the walk of a parking lot possibly need at the mall? ya can't fit in anything! you should've made all your stops to 'a pea in the pod' months ago. and lastly, it was the garden state friggin plaza. nobody but rich bergen county bitches shop there, and last time i checked, tory burch maternity was available via mail order.

so that, my friends and devotees, is all i have to say about that. more to come, i'm sure, as my extreme exhaustion breeds a height crankiness i've yet to encounter.
Xs and Os

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

eew



CNN, if you were a person, i'd say, "dude, that ain't right."

speaking of double 'o's,' this is my 100th post.
go bryanambition.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

it's too big (that's what she said)



so here's a status that was too long to post on facebook:

Bryan doesn't understand the obsession with celebrity, namely the scofia after the first images of the 'brangelina twins,' a phrase that once seen on cnn.com, made me want to #3. i mean, ya'aint never gonna meet them (i can hear my mother scolding me all the way from pennsylvania for that one). bitches should be all over nancy grace. now there's some goss worth sippin' on.

thanks for nothing, facebook.
and that's all i have to say.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

inspiration



so my darling friend, james!, who will henceforth always require an "!" after his name, and i have a knack of performing 'rose's turn' from gypsy together, wherever we go, whether it's sitting in the park or strutting down (or up) ninth avenue (to the dismay of luscious lovitz, who, bless his exuberant heart, somehow maintains a genuine smile through it all).
so when i came across this little gem, i felt the need to post it in homage to dear james!
enjoy!

Friday, August 01, 2008

i kissed a boy and i liked it...


but more on that later.

right now, we're going to discuss my newest pastime--drugstore mad libs in the haircare aisle!
so one night, after a particularly lively bar scene, the boys and i ventured into a duane reade for some late-night essentials. my dear friend michael and i sauntered about while items were found, and ended up in the haircare aisle, a section i've always found daunting and quite off-putting. since i had a little in me, my perversities started to pop up like little blisters, and i took notice of the promiscuous names of the very gels and goos we put into our hair every day--rough, sleek, grease, hard, fast, grip tight, finish up! it was a virtual pornography section in the duane reade! so michael and i quickly got to arranging the products to form a syntax-lacking, yet highly mouthwatering statement. read for yourself.

so now it's your turn to proliferate this newfound game! get busy, boys and girls.

'till next time.