Thursday, January 31, 2008

cam!!!




can we start a club to defend and subsequently protect cam? i mean, that rotten perez referred to her as "pockface princess," and i, for once, think that's totes unnecess!! if cam has a bout with acne (and don't we all??) that's her business, but for him to hit her up on that...so despic.


whatev!!! CAM--if you read this--give that stupid ass perez NO attench, and honestly--send bryanambition a comment to validate his undying devotion to you! haha ;-)

xoxo
bryanambition

Friday, January 25, 2008

half-nekkid thursday!



so since i was such a flake last week, i had to reconcile with a particularly revealing pic this week...and because i've spent this week cocooned by the photographic inspiration of man ray and guy bourdin, i had to photoshopfuck this pic a bit.

so i think today should be dedicated to the cultural zeitgeist known as clueless. i mean, at the very essence, it's based on jane austen's emma, and regardless of whether you were a cheerleader or green-haired freak, you SO wanted to be one of those girls. i won't even entertain a thought to the contrary. they were young, fresh, smart (not to mention smart-ass), and even though they were savvy and pretty and had the total package, they weren't portrayed as the typical "A-group" popular girls. the movie also chronicled the heartaches and woes such girls inevitably experienced, of course never to be seen by the common eye.

so to clueless!!

i'm out, bitches.

lo siento

hey kids
i know i suck major filthy ass for not updating in twenty years, but it's been the week from the twilight zone. do forgive.
tomorrow all will resume as usual ;-)

xoxo
bryanambition

Sunday, January 13, 2008

details, people!



ok so have you ever noticed that whenever people brush their teeth on tv, the presence of toothpaste, the very essence of oral hygiene, is almost always completely overlooked? even in commercials touting the very benefits of said toothpastes!

now think about it--regardless of what brush you use, be it some disposable vibrating hot wheels-themed toothbrush, or some technologically-advanced ultrasonic, super revolutionary dentifrice, and whether you use the super-whitening $75 gel or that close-up toothpaste stuff that smells like your grandmother--your mouth is always a foamy, minty sputtery mess by the end of the brush. it's almost half the fun, in my opinion. mushing all that refreshing lather around your mouth is a great way to clear away the fermented taste of the morning's lucky charms and so-called 'coffee funk' and deliver such benefits as fluoride. but however out of control the toothpaste foam gets, it's simply washed away in a few short rinses.

and since we all brush our teeth in the same manner, why must commercials and other media such as movies and sitcoms where the act of brushing one's teeth is commonplace completely negate this very prevalent aspect of the brushing process, as if it were something only a select few of us encountered? and furthermore, why must this lack of toothpaste foam be a unanimous thing? is toothpaste foam considered something vulgar? is it to be not shown, but instead insinuated, like when two people are fucking in a movie, and you see the man make these cyclic, thrusting motions toward the woman under him, and just 'get' the fact that his penis is penetrating her vagina, thus consummating the act of sexual intercourse, aka lovemaking? and if, in fact, the act of showing one's toothpaste foam is to be considered vulgar and inappropriate, why do upscale airlines readily give their passengers a travel toothbrush/toothpaste set upon seating them? if such taboos are to be taken into consideration, these same airlines should also be dishing out condoms and lube, flavored for first class only.

and now that i've finished my sunday french toast, not to mention my rant, i'm going to double up on toothpaste today just so i blow a big, foamy load into the sink.

i've spoken.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

walk of shame



me on the way home this morning. haha. not that i spent the night with a tawdry trick from the G, but the effort i put into today's a.m. getup really shows.

hahaha

i'm out, bitches.

Friday, January 11, 2008

my premier half nekkid thursday




ok so this is my first, and seminal, i'd imagine, half nekkid thursday. or is the hyphenated "half-nekkid" thursday more appropriate? i suppose neither are conventionally appropriate, but i digress. i don't know what took me so long to begin my weekly lascivious contributions, but i owe chris-in-briefs a big thank you for his union suit photo series, which provided just the impetus i needed!
so happy thursday.

tonight was pretty rotten. i get home late from work, and when i saw the time was 8:47, i realized i had less than 13 minutes to avert a total crisis: i was out of graham crackers. in my house, graham crackers aren't a mere occasional snack, nor are they a novelty food. they're a food group. if a box of graham crackers lasts me two days, that's efficient.
so i run outside to the associated food store right around the corner and arrive at 8:50. not bad...but to my dismay and utter shock, they're closed! CLOSED! the sign clearly says they close at 9pm, and from past rushes, i know for a fact that they never close early. i hath been proven wrong.
so i took my chances and a rather lengthy stroll over to the next nearest food store, a key foods. now if you know anything about the astoria/long island city vicinity, as far as the hierarchy of food stores is considered, key foods is right above the associated (only to be topped by the c-town), so i thought my trip there would be not only fruitful, yielding the said box of graham crackers, but also pleasurable and easy.
wrong again. thankfully open until 10, i found the store to be a total mess, and the "cracker aisle" to be hidden in some far out, lonesome corner of the store, NOT directly across from the cereals, like in normal stores. so, long story short, i got the damn crackers, and now i can be happy.

the moral of the story is, half-nekkid thursday or not, stock up on graham crackers.

it's nancy grace time, bitches. i'm out.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

MY LIFE ONCE AGAIN HAS MEANING!!



hot damn!! girlfriend nancy grace is BACK! she spawned her chilluns and thank heavens, she's back with us!
the queen of mean (well, maybe that was a bit harsh...she's a nice mean) is back in the saddle and is gonna ride her stallion 'round the rodeo!

however i'm not sure how long i can watch this particular episode. all i'm seeing are live satellite pictures of these children in her nursery. and despite the occasional reminder that the real topic will surround britney spears, the subject keeps veering back toward nancy's pulmonary blood clots and edema that made her delivery a little less convenient.
i couldn't be any happier that nancy's back, and maybe even a little that she's now got children, but for goodness' sake, i'm in the mood to watch britney get a new asshole!

i'm a total masochist



i'm rotten. not only to others, on occasion, but to myself.

so i haven't eaten in 24 hours, nor do i plan on passing anything edible past these lips anytime soon. no, i'm not on some zen plan to cleanse my body of dietary iniquities, nor do i periodically starve myself for shits and giggles. a pound to me is a vital measurement.
no, i've some serious stomach surgeticals tomorrow, so i've got to fast...fast.

so normal people, while faced with this challenge, would comfort themselves watching their favorite movies, closing their eyes when scenes take place during eating. but me, i've tuned into the food network to watch the mini-marathon of 'unwrapped: southern favorites." cheesy biscuits, gumbo, pecan pie.
i'm on the verge of death here.

i'm out kids. see you in recovery.