Monday, December 22, 2008
ok so i realized something today--the reason i'm so obsessed with youth and the mere act of preserving it is because i've inadvertently been doing just that since the very day i was born and started aging! let a brother explain.
so as i've been going through life, and experience those situations where i get to reflect on myself and how/where i stand, both chronologically and geographically, i've realized, as of late, that i'm still stuck in a "long time ago" era. i've been in nyc for just about 10 years, yet i still don't grasp the full realization that i live, work and exist here. in another 10 years, i'll have lived here for a longer period of time than in PA, where i was raised. maybe that's the cutoff for true realization. hmm.
but the oddest part was when i looked beyond the geography of my existence to the chronology--where am i on the timeline of the life of bryanambition?
to someone i've known for a few years, i'd appear as a dashing 27 year-old (that's right, kids--i said 27. twenty-fucking-seven. that's me. i'm not owning up to be proud of it yet, but next year's pre-reunion botox should put me in my place [and keep me there]) with messy hair who works in fashion at a magazine. and listens to weird music. and can undulate his stomach. ok the descriptions can go on for years, but the one that rings the WTF bell for me is the age part. twenty-seven.
now, it's no news that i've had an issue with my age since i was 22, but what really gets me is not the number--it's the time and space that's lapsed. when those reflective moments hit, i think of myself as a 12 year-old, in his gaudily-decorated bedroom, murals and hieroglyphics strewn across the walls, under the reign of his traditional, yet oddly progressive parents, and not having to deal with any real issues in life, such as bills, student loan payments and criminal records (ok that last one was for good measure), who parted his hair down the middle and wore green and black braces. but i'm not that kid anymore.
so maybe by continuing to feel like him, i won't age?