Friday, June 13, 2008

just open your fuggin' mouth



so this news article really pissed me off. so basically, rachael ray (who alone pisses me off, but we'll save that rant for the slow season) decided to dip into a trend past the jersey halter top and don one of those ubiquitous arab-inspired scarves (see above image of the gorgeous me inappropriately wearing one on a corner in philly. long story.) in a commercial for the purveyor of white trash coffee beverages. of course, the same fat, obese americans who have nothing better to do than watch 'judge judy' and pretend like they know the difference between hilary and barak, decide to raise a ruckus over the whole thing, claiming the mere scarf ray adorned herself with was, in fact, a keffiyeh, a scarf traditionally worn by arab men. obviously not part of the 'people's court' vernacular, the word keffiyeh was supplied by cynic ringleader michelle malkin, the razor-tongued, right-wing bitch from fox news. so first i'm going to say, "get a life, honey," then i'm going to rant.
she basically says that the mere presence of a keffiyeh suggests support for the jihad (palestinian terrorist group) and their introduction to the fashion mainstream indicates ignorance and a general disregard. first of all, michelle, it's time to cease relying solely on forever 21 for our wardrobes and venture out. you're on national television, sweetie; take a lesson from diane sawyer, practically your media sister, and up the ante with a smart powersuit. hit up some valentino. indulge in some versace. walk outside and smell the street vendors, because right next to rafiki's hallal stand is a nice little arab man who sells keffiyehs in a variety of colors and patterns, and i highly doubt he goes home to skype his brothers hiding in afghanistani caves and plot to blow up buildings. he sells them because they're hot. they're 'in.' as a matter of fact, i purchase my very keffiyeh from top shop, so i know it's sumfin' else, hmmkay?
and just to make sure you fully understand you're not the only cunty bigmouth out there, i'd like to counteract your plead of ignorance with one of my own. you've taken something completely benign, and turned it into an ugly, hairy melanoma of a situation. you're the filipino hitler, sister, who turned a swastika from a symbol meaning sun and strength into a vile, hated mark of death and destruction.
my advice to you would be to shut your mouth, do something about those horrific split ends of yours, and get a fuckin' life. why don't you concentrate all these efforts to hate and discriminate to liberating prisoners of war, or alleviating the political unrest in the philippines? you've got dirt in your own backyard that needs to be cleaned up first.

and dunkin donuts, honestly--you're going to let this kitten heel-wearing mess of fake hair and polyester affect your ad campaign? what, afraid of a little boycott? please. as long as the mcdonalds fat asses get their court tv on demand, you'll have plenty of late-night customers to keep you in business. and honestly, who listens to this little lip gloss bitch anyway?

and with that, i'm out. watch for me on the tonys, bitches!
xo

5 comments:

jay said...

Lol, love the new name. Love this post! Some ppl do take things too far, sad but true.

Christopher said...

Ooooh SNAP!

I nearly fell out of my chair when I heard this story on the news...what an a$$ stain!

Maybe I better stop coming out of the shower with my hair wrapped up in a towel, or people will start to think that I'm Indian...or a genie!

Doghigh said...

Were you wrapping it like that to cover your nipple protrusions?

Is it a jihad on nipple erections???

BRYAN AMBITION said...

nipple erections AND piercings ;-)

Chris said...

It's subliminal:

Rachel Ray is letting fame get to her head and has become a demanding bitch, not unlike...a terrorist.

I'd still rather hang out with a terrorist than with Rachel Ray.