Thursday, April 24, 2008

thursday retardation



ok so i know it's half-nekkid thursday and all, but ya'll lucked out on naked bryan this week in favor of something far funnier (and more annoying). what is it with people holding full-out conversations on walls (a la facebook) and comments (a la myspace)? that's why man invented private messages.

it's pathetic, and it happens all the time. on a tuesday, jackie will just leave karen a message like, "hey boo! great seeing you the other night! we should get together soon! xo," which leaves karen with two reasonable options. 1) she can respond by writing on jackie's wall, something like, "you too, babe! have a great week!" or 2) leaving it at that. jackie's writing on a WALL, for goodness' sake! she doesn't expect a response!
but nobody's as ideal as jackie and karen, so what happens is this: karen sees jackie's reaching out as some major sign of outward love and acceptance, and decides to respond with her own deep sentiment, and for the sake of preserving this wonderful moment the two are sharing, adds further inquiries that deem her whole decision to post this on jackie's wall as interminably inappropriate. so she writes, "omg jackie!! it was so great seeing YOU! can you believe aiesha threw up all over that waiter? she was so trashed! oh btw--my mom said she'll totally drive us to the mall tomorrow so we can buy those jeans. what size are you again? i'm bordering on fitting into a 6, but if i eat one more pint of ice cream [and you know she will] i'll totally be an 8!! anyway-talk to you later! bye!!! xoxo! bff's4----> love ya like a sister!" --karen

ok, karen, but we already know it's from you--your friggin picture is right next to it, and if that doesn't clarify things, your name is clearly written above the posting.
that was way intense, and maybe a bit exaggerated, but let's see how jackie responds. if i were her, i'd be way freaked by the fact that karen is not only admitting to the world that both she and jackie are too young to drive, but she's also disclosing something only the tag in your jeans should know. these are the things 'single white female' is made from, kids. but ever the friend she is (and obviously never having seen 'mean girls'), jackie courteously responds with, "giiiirl, i can't wait to go to the mall tomorrow! your mom rocks! maybe we can like, have a wine cooler at my house after! i stole one from my mom's bedroom. you can totally still have that ice cream AND fit into the 6--just throw it up afterwards like i do! ssshhh it's a secret! xoxo sistahh!"

i'm either compelled to listen to the carpenters, or write the parents of these girls. either way this crazy bitch is wackier than the first! and furthermore, this shit happens every day. useless information is wasted. kids are exploited. and my time is wasted.

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