Tuesday, April 08, 2008

for hire

so while walking along some street the other day, past an absolutely abhorrent clan of children, none older than 10, i heard a boy 'cat call' to a girl (do they still call it that?) anywho, he said, "yeah well i'm gonna hit you with my big dick!"
ok first of all, kid, you're nine--unless you're the unfortunate victim of a pituitary brain disorder, your dick ain't much more than a peanut. second, unless it's rape, that dick isn't much of a weapon. and third, is that what you think that flappy little thing is for?
the first and second thoughts are all ha ha ha, but this little incident is a prime example of how misinformed and uneducated children of today are about sex. with fewer parents giving their kids "the talk" and teen pregnancy on the rise, not to mention the 9.1 MILLION cases of STD's last year among people under the age of 25, it's no wonder HIV/AIDS, violence against women and 15 year-old mothers are commonplace to this western utopia known as america. this is no clearer than today's news, or yesterday's perezhilton--jamie lynn spears looking like a bloated pre-schooler or her ill-informed, mental case of a sister allegedly incubating number three. the last thing this nation needs is a serious proliferation of the human trash that already poisons it.
if parents paid a little more attention to informing their kids that sex, while one amazing feat of nature, is not a game (sex games notwithstanding), i think the world would be a completely different place. just sit them down and talk to them--after all, it's the same way you were brought onto this earth.

ok enough of this parental shit--let's take a detour directly to the point.
enter me--sex education extraordinaire. i don't have time for this "pee pee wee wee" shit--if you want to know about sex, i'll tell you everything, from a--to x,y,z. hire me for $100/session and i'll sit your children down and tell them all about it. i'll spell things out, i'll draw pictures, and i'll make them really afraid of tertiary syphilis. but what i won't do is sugar coat anything or leave them confused about what goes on down south.
and on that note, i invite the parents to sit in on the discussions too--most parents know less than their children do about sex--just because you've done it doesn't mean you own it.

so parents, i ask you: how do you want your children to learn about sex? by experimenting in the bathroom with their friends, or from a pure, intelligent source who isn't afraid to answer even their most intimate questions? put it this way--don't let your kid ask what anal sex is with a sore ass.

i'm out.


Shaya said...

"...that sex, while one amazing feat of nature, is not a game..." It isn't? Since when?

dit said...

Too funny, it is true. I read an article in Details magazine a few months back titled "Are You Raising a Douchebag?" it was brilliant.

Great post.

Hamilton said...

yeah... I am still amazed how people are still so hush hush about sex. In my opinion is as much of an oppression as telling kids that sex are bad.

Telling kids that sex are bad for you, you will just end up with bunch oppressed and sexually deprived young adults who do know the significance of sex in a healthy and functioning relationship.

Instead, if you keep telling kids NOTHING about sex, then kids will just run wild with their imagination along with the guide of fantasy porns and sex portrayed on TV, and we all know what sells TVs, a combination of sex and violence.

Anyways, i think i just died a little when I see you didn't add me to your blogroll yet. I TOTALLY added you!

Christopher said...

So, I take it that you're into kinky architecture? Our ancestors had the right idea: relax, it's just sex!

Digging your blog, btw!

Doghigh said...

A-FUCKING-MEN!!!!!! LOVE this post!!!!! (And if you need a consultancy partner I'm up for it)

Kai Santorino said...

nice one! amazing if i could do it