Monday, April 28, 2008

express your grievances monday

so another rainy, chilly, dismal monday beckons..or, rather, repels. because i can think of 7,492 places i'd rather be than sitting here, at my desk at work, after having braved the frigid monsoon outside (despite the fact that i'm occupying myself by watching 'labyrinth.'
so last week, i allowed myself the privilege of a small box of count chocula. the obsessively healthy eater i am, breakfast, the most important meal of the day, has always contained little-to-no sugar, to avoid the mid-morning crash. yet standing in the cereal aisle at the key foods, clutching a box of fiber one, i was overcome by temptation, wearing the brown face of a chocolate vampire, and, after tasting a brief memory childhood sleepovers, i grabbed the box and ran up to the register to pay.
fast-forward a week to yesterday when, after realizing the crumbs left in the bag meant my days enjoying count chocula were now gone, i mustered up all the courage i could and looked that sweet nosferatu right in the face when i was struck by the sense of bewilderment every child dreads, like finding out there's really no santa claus, or waking up in the middle of the night to discover your mother putting money under your pillow where a tooth used to be. i saw something that induced a sobriety more horrifying than if gary oldman actually floated into my kitchen(ette) wearing silk slippers and a healthy thirst for blood--count chocula had NO FANGS!! instead, this whimsical, yet slightly terrifying vampire we've all grown to love had buck teeth. two giant, blunt, harmless buck teeth. was this the trix bunny in disguise?

well, i'd say yeah, but this rabbit HAS NO TEETH!
silly rabbit, trix are for kids! and oversized incisors are for rabbits.

cereal companies are the downfall of america, kids. the best friend of dentists, and the bain of a nation.
it does turn your milk chocolate, though.

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