Tuesday, February 26, 2008
ok shitheads...sorry AGAIN for this horrid lapse in time. i'm the latest victim of that relentless nyc flu! i mean constant running and blowing and oozing and shivering and aching and shitting and general unhappiness...for a week! a motherfucking week. what did i do to deserve this? it's like that pet shop boys song..."what have i...what have i...what have i done to deserve this?" haha
anywho so here's the shit: i went home last weekend to visit the parental units (that's right, kids--wilkes-barre, pennsylvania had their very own spawned celebrity back home for an entire weekend). during some random conversation, my mother proceeded to tell me that the local wegman's has recently ceased to carry cigarettes. my head spun like linda blair--terrific!! talk about setting precedent! wegman's has always been a favorite haunt of mine...nothing satisfies late night cravings for fun in the land where everything closes at 11pm than buying candy-by-the-pound and cheating the scales by slightly raising the bag while you weigh it. yeah. but i digress.
so after my moment of rejoice, perhaps prompted by the walmart flyer that fell out of the newspaper, i was brought back down to the earth by the very scum that runs it: walmart.
so walmart has taken it upon itself to both establish and enforce some fucked up moral code of america, no doubt derived from the provincial standards of its home state, and censor what its stores will carry. this shitheadedness is most prevalent in the music department, where to this day, you'll never find marilyn manson, snoop dog, sheryl crow (wtf is up with THAT one?) and the scissor sisters. now, i remember being denied the purchase of adam sandler's "they're all gonna laugh at you" when i was 12 or so, because of the presence of that nefarious parental advisory sticker, but at least our freedom of speech wasn't stifled to begin with. walmart has take it upon themselves to not even present the varied, and quite essential tunes produced by the likes of manson, snoop, sheryl and the sisters because they don't feel it contributes to an ethical america.
BUT APPARENTLY, lung cancer does, because every single fuggin' walmart you walk into carries the whole gamut of cigarettes, from aces to winstons. now i totally understand that mostly every trailer-dwelling, pork rind-eating, flannel-wearing citizen of arkansas proudly wraps their hardpack up in their sleeve (and they probably listen to a lil sheryl between their garth and kenny) but that doesn't mean that cancer sticks are part of our heritage as americans! yeah, the indians smoked it, but they also ate their babies so let's not rely on the cherokees for life's lessons.
so yeah, walmart's cheap. cheaper than k-mart, and cheaper than target. i'm probably still going to shop there (on the rare occasion i actually make it to one) but i'll always make it a point to carry a cunty attitude and a nasty stare.
i'm out, kids. 'till next time ;-)