Thursday, February 28, 2008

half-nekkid jueves

so last september 14th, my comrades (and dearest friends ev) at work nonchalantly called me into the back room/kitchenette/conference room, where this edible masterpiece awaited, en fuego!
it was my fifth annual 22nd birthday, and my bests exhumed this rather tasty pic (no pun intended) to put on display in front of my entire office...and i'll be honest: i've never found it more difficult to play modest ;-)

happy HNT, ya'll!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

wouldn't it be...

just the coolest shit EVER if you could convert ethnicities? it's relatively easy to convert religions, word documents, even social classes--but never before has it been possible to convert your ethnicity!

if granted the chance, i'd obviously run straight for the taj mahal. i've always loved the indians from afar (and sometimes even up close)...that rich heritage, completely unassimilated traditions, big, purple uncut dicks...but i digress. it's a terrific culture--what's not to love?

converting you think about that.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

something wrong

ok shitheads...sorry AGAIN for this horrid lapse in time. i'm the latest victim of that relentless nyc flu! i mean constant running and blowing and oozing and shivering and aching and shitting and general unhappiness...for a week! a motherfucking week. what did i do to deserve this? it's like that pet shop boys song..."what have i...what have i...what have i done to deserve this?" haha
oh, me.

anywho so here's the shit: i went home last weekend to visit the parental units (that's right, kids--wilkes-barre, pennsylvania had their very own spawned celebrity back home for an entire weekend). during some random conversation, my mother proceeded to tell me that the local wegman's has recently ceased to carry cigarettes. my head spun like linda blair--terrific!! talk about setting precedent! wegman's has always been a favorite haunt of mine...nothing satisfies late night cravings for fun in the land where everything closes at 11pm than buying candy-by-the-pound and cheating the scales by slightly raising the bag while you weigh it. yeah. but i digress.
so after my moment of rejoice, perhaps prompted by the walmart flyer that fell out of the newspaper, i was brought back down to the earth by the very scum that runs it: walmart.

so walmart has taken it upon itself to both establish and enforce some fucked up moral code of america, no doubt derived from the provincial standards of its home state, and censor what its stores will carry. this shitheadedness is most prevalent in the music department, where to this day, you'll never find marilyn manson, snoop dog, sheryl crow (wtf is up with THAT one?) and the scissor sisters. now, i remember being denied the purchase of adam sandler's "they're all gonna laugh at you" when i was 12 or so, because of the presence of that nefarious parental advisory sticker, but at least our freedom of speech wasn't stifled to begin with. walmart has take it upon themselves to not even present the varied, and quite essential tunes produced by the likes of manson, snoop, sheryl and the sisters because they don't feel it contributes to an ethical america.

BUT APPARENTLY, lung cancer does, because every single fuggin' walmart you walk into carries the whole gamut of cigarettes, from aces to winstons. now i totally understand that mostly every trailer-dwelling, pork rind-eating, flannel-wearing citizen of arkansas proudly wraps their hardpack up in their sleeve (and they probably listen to a lil sheryl between their garth and kenny) but that doesn't mean that cancer sticks are part of our heritage as americans! yeah, the indians smoked it, but they also ate their babies so let's not rely on the cherokees for life's lessons.

so yeah, walmart's cheap. cheaper than k-mart, and cheaper than target. i'm probably still going to shop there (on the rare occasion i actually make it to one) but i'll always make it a point to carry a cunty attitude and a nasty stare.

i'm out, kids. 'till next time ;-)

Friday, February 15, 2008

yeah, i'm alive

I'm also in houston at an airport...but not just any airport, the offish 'george bush international airport.' Now, I know the first one wasn't as bad as the second, but really--who else is to blame? His misguided sperm?

Anywho--so it's been like three weeks since my last valid post, and honestly, I have three very valid reasons for that--deadline at work, fashion week, and just this past week, las vegas.
Yes, that's right kids--i took some much-needed time off from my beloved job abd took a vacation to sin city...NOT! (F-Ya'll-I)vegas is probably the last place I'd escape to for a vacay. I don't gamble, I don't smoke, and I'm not purchasing my prada from a casino. But amidst the otherwise hectic week, I did manage to have a terrific time out with some spesh peeps I haven't seen in a while. Hats off to my Operations bitches!

it wouldn't be a bryanambition post without a rant, so here goes: airplane boarding procedures. Seriously, what happened to the good old days where first-class boarded first, followed by the commoners, the plane took off, and we were all en route?
Now, thanks to loyalty gone awry, boarding goes something like this:
"Attention passengers, this is flight #1632 to los angeles international airport in los angeles, california (oh, THAT los angeles--thanks). Right now we welcome our first class passengers to board the aircraft...[5 mins later] now we welcome our diamond elite class members to board...[5 more mins] now we invite our platinum awards members to board...[4 minutes later] now our red points plus members...[4 mins later] now our orange points plus members...yellow members can now board...we'd like to welcome our green points plus members at this members may now board...attention passengers we now invite our indigo points plus miles awards members to board...violet members may now board the aircraft...chartreuse awards members may now board the aircraft...and finally, all the rest of you poor motherfuckers can board...and at this time it's to be noted that we are indeed severely delayed due to our asinine boarding procedures.

Wish me luck getting home, kids!!

Friday, February 01, 2008

half-nekkid thursday

there's me, monday night, drunkety-drunk at angels&kings.
boy, was i gettin' social ;-)