Friday, April 20, 2007

perfunctory bitch

i think all the problems of our great nation culminate with one thing: mayonnaise.
found in virtually every cupboard in america, whether in regular, light, organic or even vegan form, there's nothing good about mayo. even the olfactory appeal dissipates when one considers what's really going on in that jar.
who woke up one day and thought, "let's whip up some oil until it congeals into a white, viscous mass and eat it! or even better, let's spread it on bread and enhance the sandwich!?"
so i know the stuff originated in france and all, but it's here in america, with such celebrity chefs as paula deen touting it like water, where it makes it biggest splat.

now i'm too tired to write anymore. it's that late-afternoon slump, and if i drink coffee today, it will make it the fourth day in a row that i'll have consumed the stuff, which will undoubtedly cause the spark of addiction and i'll end up with a huge headache at this time tomorrow (which, incidentally, i'll get anyway if i have to come into work as rumored).
so i can't drink coffee.

and you know what else? some stupid shit happened on the way to work today. the subway that came was a mystery subway--it was completely devoid of signage (a word, by the way, only validated by the purveyors of outdoor advertising--look it up in the dictionary--ya'll ain't gonna find it). so anyway, this subway had no colorfully-encircled letter or number on the front and back cars, and all digital signs on the cars themselves were blank!
so i thought, "well who am i to deprive myself of a little serendipitous adventure?!" and i got on!
i knew where it could inevitably end up, because, after all, only three different trains stop at my station, but whatev. i was as bond as it gets.

patti lupone scares me. her mouth doesn't close and her eyes look like they're always pissed off. like the front of cars--they look like eyes, and some look happy, some sad, some solemn, some mournful, and others very angry.
and some even look stupid. like hyundais--they always look stupid.

i'm out.