Thursday, November 01, 2007


why does madonna look so sad?

i'll tell you why--because the boy inside all that glitz and glamour is per-itty pissed off.
so last night was halloween. i dressed up as madonna blond ambition (vogue set) and went to a multitude of parties. fun, right?'d think. hot body. hot costume. hot parties. good times. if only that were the case.
is it me, or is the blond ambition tour really that old?!
as far as i knew (or thought i knew), 1990 wasn't that far away. and when you think of madonna's tours, what's the first polaroid that comes to mind? that tartan-clad punkish mess of drowned world? or the edgy, highly provocative and visually stimulating wardrobe of blond ambition? i'd rest my case here, but i'm not done.

any self-respecting, legit, educated (or not educated) person would clearly know who the bitch in that picture is. DUH!
but last night, i got anything but, "whoa! it's madonna!" no, instead i heard, "what are you, a telemarketer?" yeah, sweetie, one who wears gaultier cone bras to go sit on their wilkes-barrean ass at corporate express all day. [i should also note that this came from a man whose costume consisted of a business suit, accented by a tie with a hard-on].
the next was, "omg you're hedwig, right?" and i think to myself, 'as in ...and the angry inch?' who the f would dress as that in 2007? i'd recognize a delta burke 'designing women' costume faster than that!
the NEXT ambiguous insult came from a rather intoxicated, middle-aged man with a hairline that could've only been justified with a razor, when he yelled, "medusa!" at first, i was taken aback that he could actually have been an enlightened one, referring to the mockumentary movie by the same name in the mid-90's, that parodied madonna's "truth or dare," and featured a disillusioned, yet convincing woman dressed in similar garb prancing about in diva fashion. but when he began to babble that it would take a simple mind to order such a beer, the truth reared its ugly head like a keloid. this man thought my carefully coiffed wig was snakes. he was old--no doubt he'd totally seen 'clash of the titans.'
the next, and by far WORST came in the form of the deceased, yet not so dearly-departed, anna nicole! when did she dress like this? when did she wear a headset? when did she FIT into belted biker shorts? case dismissed!

so, you see my friends, in all my 22 (or so) years, never have i endured such a disappointment. and here, i thought the blond ambition tour was as eternal as the woman herself.

thankfully, it's the one day a year that i actually attempt anything close to drag, and this experience may very well have spelled a definite end to that.

next year, i'm so enrolling in the traveling production of 'the rocky horror show' as none other than frankenfurter himself.

i'm out.

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