Tuesday, July 10, 2007
sweat and cologne! so today was, undoubtedly, the hottest day of the year, and i couldn't be happier. not because i got to spend it bathing in the icy sea at the beach, or lounging in a pool somewhere, slaking off the oppressive heat with a troupe of hot swimmers, but instead because I got to sit on the subway during on-the-way-home rush hour…a situation that allows me choice sampling of my favorite fragrance in the whole, wide world: sweat and cologne.
As someone who slaved through his college years working behind fragrance counters, I’ve whetted my olfactory abilities to detect the preferential essences that make certain fragrances extraordinary, and, in fact, wear many of those exact fragrances. But I’ve learned that the only thing that can seriously enhance a fragrance is the addition of good, old-fashioned perspiration. Some may call it b.o., but I call it o.k.
And I’m not alone (or weird). It’s a known fact that contained in the beads of sweat we perspire human pheromones are in abundance, and if you're a homo, read THIS. This is evident in those situations when you’re getting all hot and heavy with a guy, and he suddenly shifts his body so that you get a whiff of HIM, the real bodily essence, and you find yourself getting even hotter…your pants (if you’re wearing them) tighten even more…your breathing increases…your ears get hot and red, you begin to pant, your fingers race over every inch of body you can find, shirts are ripped off, pants are desperately slid down legs, revealing a less-concealed pelvic region, another source of even more concentrated pheromones, and a certain musky aroma that invites even the pickiest ‘giver’ to keep on going, and all of a sudden the two of you are entwined in a cyclonic maelstrom—a MALEstrom, of sorts, arms and legs and body hair and thick fingers, and roaming tongues wagging out of yearning mouths, all doing whatever it takes to bring you to that final moment when the pheromones that both of you secreted rejoice!!! For their mission has been accomplished.
I’m out. Way out.