Saturday, January 13, 2007

dancing with myself/week of crazy bitches

ooh i feel like gargamel from 'the smurfs!' it's all going according to my plan! ha ha just two weeks ago i professed my rational devotion to cameron diaz, and look what's happened--she's splitting from justin!
now it's definitely not my style to herald their breakup as some wonderful event--breakups are hard and they always suck, especially when you've got a long-awaited movie coming out, as in justin's case. but maybe it is for the best...maybe justin's embarking on a really lucrative film career, and cam is taking some time to just relax with a good book and a fabulous friend...which is where i, undoubtedly, will come in.

but back to seriousness--this has been the week of crazy people. on monday, perez brought us an exclusive look at james brown's crazy ass widow, who channeled tammy faye when she triumphantly questioned, "did GOD come down and tell the globe that it wasn't james brown's time to go?"

and then just days later, this!

how about a lotta you comin in-it's a wild party where you are!! straight up now tell us, paula--was it coke? tequila? maybe some leftover cliquot mixed with several antidepressants and ssri's you had lying around the coffee table? this is definitely a page in our his-to-ry!
i feel like this sort of behavior is too much for those poor seattle anchorwomen to take!! i mean, they kept their cool like dav-o back in '94 when little old madge fellated a cigar, but they were visibly disturbed, like they had to revert to a mental script in the emergency "what to do if your second-rate guest star is intoxicated" file. and a special toast to paula's hairstylist! her two hands must've really liked the feel of white rain extra hold!

i'm out, bitches.

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