i ask you, fellow americans, because evidently, i missed the memo, when did 'VOGUE' substitute for 'the constitution?' right now at this moment--this very moment--legislators in the residually confederate state of virginia are lobbying senate lawmakers to approve a bill instituting a law that would impose a $50 fine on anyone caught showing "too much" of their boxers or thongs. the bill was already preliminarily approved by the house of representatives 60 to fucking 34!! obviously their state is run by a bunch of osteoporitic hunchbacks who can't wear anything past their ribcage for fear of exposing their colostomy bags.
this brings up a good question: just HOW much is "too much?" i'll tell you what's too much--it's TOO MUCH that the government is infringing on the laws of fashion! what's next? the gov't police are going to join forces with the fashion police and appoint joan rivers attorney general? and what's more TOO MUCH is that none of this is being met with any protest from the highest fashion authorities: not a peep has been heard from anna wintour (not even a dirty stare), hal rubinstein, simon doonan, or even (gasp) star jones, whom we know loves a good thong (even if it does resemble a cattle holster). [ed note: ok fine--star jones isn't a REAL fashion authority, but she did take over joan and melissa's red carpet duties and therefore serves some purpose...as miniscule and short-lived as it may be]. am i the only one who's disturbed by this terribly UNconstitutional movement? brit brit's been on the DL lately, but come on, honey, stick up for the movement you helped create!
it's TOO MUCH that as the oft referred to "#1 country in the world" (can't you just see that #1 being printed on a foam hand and used to charge the front of every virginia courthouse on election day?) can't properly prioritize and make laws that actually matter. there are people DYING in iraq and children getting molested and women getting raped and homosexuals being discriminated against, yet the hopper gets filled with requests trying to ban faux pas seven jeans.
the punishment--$50 fine--is TOO MUCH of a punishment. i mean, really--when i see some chick or queen all struttin' her stuff down the street, pants so low it looks like a small dog is peeking out the front, my ugly stare and scathing comments are punishment enough.
so in the, well, SPIRIT of the great john f. kennedy (who, by the by, was an incredible dresser himself), "ask not what your country can do for you, but how you should dress!"